Invisible for the last time

 An assignment givin by my instructor. An autobiography titled Invisible.

                                                  Invisible

   What do you see when you see a person like me? Tall, lean, skinny, Chinese, quiet, has a nice sense of style, but underneath the exterior lies something you will not be able to fathom. I live with a secret I will have to live with to my grave. Like the saying says, “Nothing is what it seems to be.” I introduce you to get too know the real Greg Gee and see just what is ‘Behind the Scenes.’

Lets Begin.

My name is Gregory Gee and I was born on December 27, 1990. I have been living in the Sunset District my whole life. I have been a Christian for 13 years. I graduated from Galileo H.S. in the year 2009. I won Homecoming King last year and I am now attending City College of S.F. I attended Thomas Jefferson Elementary school. In elementary school I excelled in sports. I was the fastest runner in my class, and possibly the most skilled playing basketball at that time. There are now classmates in my class who are better than me, sadly. I have always been somewhat popular with those in my class. But being popular wasn’t what I was striving for. My peers just took a liking to me. I have always strived to not be perfect, but imperfectly perfect. I remember now, that even back in elementary school, I caused trouble. I have always been a trouble maker. As a little boy, I’ve wanted someone I can call my own, even back then, I had crushes. But who didn’t? I was the innocent boy asking the little girls on the playground to check either the box next to the yes, or the box next to the no. Now, when I look at the little kids before me, I think of how I had my innocence, like how everything we did, didn’t seem to have consequences, we just did it and tested the power of the ‘Grown Ups.’ I look at the future generations and how everyone is growing up so fast. It’s no longer about game boys or who can run the fastest, it’s about who has the nicest shoes, or whose makeup is prettier, or whose clothes are bigger. Where did the innocence of youths’ go? That is what I miss, the innocence, but unfortunately, we all grow up. You can say I grew up quite quick in my middle school years. I met new people, people I now no longer talk too, some I still do, but a lot of them, I do not. I met people who changed me, ultimately, for the better. In middle school, I learned to skip classes, lie, steal, and do other things that ruined my innocence. Despite those things, I learned to love, to give and to let go.  The good and bad side of Love, and what it really means to be forgiven. High school comes along and I was originally going to Balboa H.S. but transferred to Galileo instead. My first two years for me I lived in a shell. I went to school and I went home. But my sophomore year I had a girlfriend whom I loved very much at the time, and yet, things went one way and that was a pretty hard hit for me. I kept too myself after that, and went under a major attitude adjustment. Because of that, I joined the volleyball team, which I soon found out, I was quite good at(I no longer play.) I stayed on the team for my remaining 3 years of my high school life and ended up being honored Co-Captain my senior year, so because of my traumatic experience with a girl, I became co-captain, so I thank her in this essay. My senior year and I’m excited, and ready to go out with a bang. Before my senior year started, I decided that I would get involved, and meet new faces I have not yet met. You can say my decision to get involved led me too life changing events. I ran for, and won homecoming king. This part of my life, I am currently at, not the homecoming king, but for the events that follow I assure you, I will be rambling quite a bit, because my lesson has been learned, I took the test, failed, retook the test, failed, and lets just say right now, I’m going through a test review for my final test. During that time of homecoming, I met a girl named Jennifer Zhang who was then the President of her class. She is a year younger than me. Thinking I’d been through the worst possible already, I was wrong, because although I made her happy, I have done injustice to her. And consequently, I have forever hurt myself. Or too put in better words, I have scarred myself because of the events I have let happen. At that time, she was cute to me, funny, I was happy to be around her and with her, at that time; I did really feel like a ‘King.’ One thing leads to another and we break up. I spent my thanksgiving, and Christmas alone. The new year rolls around and it is 2009, I then spend march through April fighting for her to trust me again, and if asking her and her saying yes to her going to prom with me was me succeeding you could say I won that battle. She went to my prom with me, and we had one helluva time. Graduation and summer strolls through and now, one thing leads to another, and we are back to square one. We break up, and I am again, alone, I run away from my problems and head to Concord for a couple days. I spent those days with my aunt and grandma. I spent my time around Women who have had a lifetime of boys and lessons to be brought onto me. I then go on a family vacation to Maui, yet again, it seems like a good excuse to run away from everything, or so it seems. Thinking I could run away from my problems and leave them at home was a good idea, but it did not work out. Though I ran away, she was still with me mentally and emotionally. I spent my nights and time alone thinking of her against my will. She was unconsciously on my mind and nothing I did or didn’t do get her out of it. Before I left for Maui, I mailed her a letter, and when I get back I see an email from her answering my letter, and my prayers. We, by the hands and work of the Lord, are talking again. Aside from ALL that, I bring us to my next point in my life, Love. Love has always played a role in my life, whether it was through family love, friends whom I loved, and the relationships I’ve been in and out of, Love has always surrounded me whether I liked it or not. I am now 18 years old, a grown man making decisions by myself. So the question; ‘Do you love her?’ comes up and it’s no longer, duh! I now am an adult, so whether I like it or not, I am treated like one. Let me ask you this; Are you in love? And if so, why do you love him or her? What caused you to love them? Does love “just happen” just like that? Or does love need to be worked for? Does it need guidance? Does it take two to tango? Because of the mistakes I have come to have made, mistakes are to better us, to make us learn. We have come the conclusion of my life which is love and the life I have lived. How do you know that their the one? How you know she’s truly special in your life? The roads we take make us see how important the road we didn’t take was. The questions I’ve just asked you, have you thought about it? Love, I have come to learn, is not easy. I want her back in my life, but it’s not easy. Why do the things we want most in our life, have to be worked for the hardest? I have an answer to that question, because along the way, while you’re working for what you want the most, you come to see if she really needs to be in your life, we work for it because we come to realize if they do need to be a part of it, and if they do, then the work will need to be done, it won’t be easy, but the results will be worth it. I ask myself those questions everyday. Do I love her? Is she worth fighting for? And the answer is always the same. We hurt because we love; we love, because we are hurt. And is she worth fighting for? You damn well know it. If there are days where you seem hopeless, and days where you want to give up, DON’T. If you feel like fainting, DON’T. The road to happiness is not an easy one, getting there will not be easy, but once you are there, it seems all worth it. I keep telling her I love her, I am a changed man, now is the day I show her, this is where my life ends, and begins. Because I can let go of the past, and hold on to the future. Because knowing, is different from doing. Because I finally realize, I do love her, and needing her in my life, I do. Because she makes me truly happy, and because of that, I am not giving up. Because although I feel like giving up, I will not, the road may be long, but it will be damn worth it to have her in my life again. And I am not giving up. In conclusion, life and love we will always be learning. Life is a learning journey, and love we need to learn to live. Without love there is no life, life is nothing but love. Love, live, Life.

The End.

Changed Man

What can you do when the truth isn't really quite enough? What can you do when you know you love that person so much that telling them 'I Love You' just is not going to cut it? How are you supposed to show them you're still in love with them? So much questions, and yet, i suppose i am still left with open ended questions. One thing i know about love is that, you should always expect the unexpected- Love is always going to test you, it is always going to test your love towards you're S.O. The only way too "pass" this test, is too perservere through time, and the trials and tribulations of striving towards happiness and the unconditional love you and your S.O. will both recieve/give for a lifetime.

I realized that school doesn't teach us a darn thing. This summer i have learned more about myself, and who i need to become, than school will ever teach me-- Or any learning institution for that matter. This past summer has been the best and also the worst at the very same time. I say best and worst because thats just how it was. I feel as though i grow another 8 years after going through a heartbreak. I feel THAT much older inside. How are you supposed to love someone when you do them injustice. Saying I Love You, but stabbing them in the back. It takes experiences too know that you really do love that person. And.. i have had my share of experiences to know that i can say "I Love You." I know for a fact, and i know in my heart-- that I Love You. I also do know, right now, you are the only one for me, and whom i need the most right now. Life now, just is not the same. It's not the same because, with you, i truly am happy, and i see that-without you, there is no happiness.

All i know is, i have seriously learned. And thats what Life is all about, Learning. We're constantly learning. And i have learned that, You is all i need. And right now there is nothing that i want to do right now then to spend time with you always.

Of course, how you supposed to trust me and truly believe that what i'm saying aint just a whole bunch of bull. We can't see clearly unless the rain is washed off the window. It took windshield wipers for me to see clearly, that I Love You. I don't know how else to put it, or how else to prove it, but when you're in love, you just know. And i Know. I..Know. Mistakes are meant to be learned, and yeah, i said all this shit already: I said i wasn't stupid last time, and  i said i wan't go fuck up again. I said all that, so how you 'posed to trust me now? And how you know i aint gon' do thangs again? Try to believe me when i do say, i have learned. Life is all about learning, and in my life, i know, that, i want to learn with you. It may get bumpy, but whats life without a few speed bumps? Whats love without a few speedbumps? I want to get over these speedbumps with you.

Listen To Your Heart